Let’s start by delineating the difference between suffering and pain. Pain is a natural part of life. It includes challenges that come our way, as having to deal with either 1) getting what we do not want (e.g., having to do homework, restrictions on computer time…
How to decrease suffering? Read More »
Dialectics is the science of the general laws of motion. It summarizes the main principles by which change occurs. There are three laws of dialectics: 1) quantity into quality, 2) everything contains its own opposite, and 3) negation of the negation…
Why understanding Dialectics is critical for effective parenting? Part 2 Read More »
Our world is based on dialectics. Simply put, dialectics is the science of the general laws of motion. It summarizes the main principles by which change occurs. So, if we want to change our lives, we need to learn and practice the principles…
Why understanding Dialectics is critical for effective parenting? Part 1 Read More »
Our sense of safety demands control. This is one of the reasons why we say “No” much more frequently than “Yes” in interacting with other people. “No” and “But” are words of control. However, replying with a “No” frequently just results in an argument, as it triggers anger and defensiveness. Arguing prevents us from getting what we want and hurts our relationships with others and self.
The Law of 3 YESes Read More »
A basic goal of therapy is gaining an ability to better manipulate ourselves and other people. This means learning how to directly influence ourselves, which will indirectly influence other people. Manipulation is the opposite of force…
Validation as the tool of manipulation Read More »
I am frequently asked “What do I do as a clinical psychologist?” My usual answer is “I help people restructure the way they think on a level of consciousness.” For all intended purposes our brain is a biological computer and every time we make an interpretation or act in a specific way…
Manipulation vs. Learned Behavior Read More »
Supersensers experience emotions on a different level, and much stronger than children who are less emotionally sensitive. Little things irritate them, and emotions may be so overwhelming that verbal or physical aggression occurs. Indeed, parents…
Don’t be afraid of temper tantrums during a session. They are going to happen anyway, and they can be quite informative and target-relevant. They allow a therapist to: 1) observe parent-child interactions; 2) model to parents how to respond to problematic…
Children do not come with instructions. Yet, many parents can provide good-enough parenting and raise adjusted and happy kids, able to withstand stress and learn from facing challenges. However, children are not created equal and good-enough parenting…
What does it mean to be a superparent? Read More »
Invalidation is not something intrinsically bad. It just means that something does not make sense. Validation, on the other hand, means that something does make sense. Every time we teach a skill or provide cognitive restructuring, we are invalidating…
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